So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
