Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
