You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
