I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
