You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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