Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You don't make any sense
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