yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
