She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
