There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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