I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
