You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
