omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
