I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We left an ass print on the piano.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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