I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
