Ambien. No doubt about it.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
