He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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