I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
