When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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