I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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