He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
