this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You've changed since you got that strap on
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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