If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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