Don't make out with my wife yet
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
