I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
