well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I will be naked everywhere
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
