What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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