I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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