So drunk, too bad you don't want this
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
