were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
