last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
