her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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