That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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