It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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