so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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