After last night, I could never be a politician.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
There's always time for handjobs
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
