I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
