As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
