well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
