if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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