idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
