Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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