Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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