my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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