I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
