Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
