so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
