It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
