You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
