I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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