went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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