he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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