you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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