What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
