even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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