69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
this is an emotional support booty call
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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