How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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