She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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