Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
