I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
