I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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