At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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