this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize