Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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