Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
