shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
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