remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
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This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
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Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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