yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize