make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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