these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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