i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
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Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
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He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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