fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
