4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
