i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
