Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
