hotel room ftw
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Randomize
