his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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