you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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