carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
