I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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