can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The air taste purple.
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