he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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