You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
