Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
