he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
