You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
