beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
