True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
