Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
