cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
